Vetting: what it means
Taking reasonable steps to check that a new partner is who they say they are and has a good reputation: chatting first, a video call, meeting in public, or asking people in the community who know them. Vetting goes both ways.
In practice
Vetting usually means chatting for a while, a video call, meeting first in a public place, and, in community spaces, asking people who know someone how they behave. Vetting goes both ways, so expect a good partner to want to know you too. Anyone who refuses reasonable vetting is giving you useful information.
Consent and safety
Consent tools only work when everyone agrees on them ahead of time, sober and without pressure. Anyone can pause or stop at any moment, and a “yes” last week is not a “yes” today. If something feels off, stopping is always the right call. For meeting someone new, see our safety tips.
Related terms
Learn more
Test what you know with the Kink Glossary Quiz: ten random questions on consent, kink and ENM terms, with an explanation after every answer.
Browse all 46 terms in the Sparks kink glossary, or try the playful Freak Scale quiz.
General education for adults 18+, not medical or legal advice. Definitions vary between communities; when in doubt, ask your partner what a word means to them.